The Weekly Round-Up: 26.05.06

The late, great science-fiction writer Douglas Adams famously stated that the most essential item in the backpack of any pan-galactic hitchhiker was a towel.

Fans of the great man on Microsoft campuses worldwide were therefore no doubt appalled to learn in 2004 that the popular towel laundering service, provided for sweaty staff washing at work after exercising or cycling into campus, was being dropped as part of a benefits cull.

The cash-strapped software behemoth took the axe to a range of employee benefits in a massive push to save $1bn in annual costs and irritate its staff.

However, almost two years later, with resentment and stale body odour hanging heavy in the air at Microsoft's global workplaces, the company had second thoughts, much to the chagrin of air freshener companies.

And thus Microsoft is reintroducing the towel scheme along with a host of other staff benefits as part of the MyMicrosoft programme - though it appears that spaces between letters are the latest victim of a new efficiency drive.

The company may well have been inspired to take a long look at its staff inducements in the light of high-profile defections to its latest archrival, Google.

The search giant famously offers its employees a range of perks such as on-site doctors and crèches, 10 per cent free time on personal projects, roller hockey and free gourmet meals prepared by the former personal chefs of 1960s rock bands.

Microsoft in turn is offering a management development programme, more investment in share schemes and dry cleaning services.

Yep, that sounds like the Microsoft product strategy - take someone else's idea, suck the fun out of it, and sell, sell, sell.

According to a Microsoft spokesman, the HR team "spent a great deal of time over the past year gathering employee feedback from all over the world about their experiences at Microsoft".

No doubt, among the top responses was "give us back our towels you stingy gits".

Anyway, bravo to the top brass at Microsoft.

Not only have they made their staff happier and done something about that upsetting smell in building atriums, they've also done a great deal to improve the image of IT.

After all, the last thing anyone wants to see, or more importantly smell, is a sweaty techie...

Moving swiftly on... Modern life is rubbish for orcs, isn't it?

Employment opportunities have dried up following the conclusion of the Lord of the Rings films and while some orcs recently enjoyed unprecedented success in the Eurovision Song Contest, the lot of the average, present-day man-goblin is beset on all sides by hardship.

However, the good news for murderous, slavering bipeds this week is that the financial services sector is looking to extend its offering to the massive online role-playing games arena.

At last, a safe place to invest the gold and gems you plundered from that village of slaughtered hobbits! "Hah, how they squealed!"

Virtual worlds such as World of Warcraft and Second Life have enough members spending enough real and virtual money to have the same financial clout as some small countries - something that has caught the attention of banks, which are looking at this area with increasing interest.

Characters in virtual worlds own things like swords, magic wands and castles, and some players assume that if the character 'owns' something in the game it means they can sell it in the real world. Sales of magic items and artefacts are big business on auction websites, with virtual items trading hands for non-virtual cash.

The value of the market for virtual assets in multiplayer online games was estimated at $900m last year and some companies have moved to capitalise on the demand for trading in virtual currencies and other items.

The Round-Up's not ashamed to admit it tried its hand at Dungeons and Dragons during its earlier and hairier days.

Back then you had to slay a lot of ogres, summon a lot of demons and stab a lot of backs to get your favourite character anywhere near minor demigod status.

These days, all you need to do is to invoke Mordenkainen's Spectacular Standing Order and suddenly you have a vorpal blade. It's just not cricket.

Still, the financial services providers are likely to meet considerable opposition to the foray into virtual worlds.

The vast majority of online gamers and developers have grave objections to buying wands, castles and triple-headed dragon steeds with real money. They think it's cheating and against the spirit of the game, and they probably have a very good point.

Meanwhile, although it may be too early for the banks to make inroads into money lending in online games, it's only a matter of time before the demand rises to sufficient levels and a legal framework is established to support transactions.

Of course, immersing themselves in a virtual fantasy world will be no challenge to the majority of bank managers who have been virtual for years themselves, hiding from their customers with cloaks of invisibility and vanishing thanks to teleportation spells.

Either way, the one group that will no doubt remain disenfranchised are the orcs - credit checking will no doubt play its part.

The orcs, nobody ever thinks of the orcs...

This week, the Round-Up doffs its Helm of Shielding +5 to inspired blogger and Star Wars nut isnoop, who has developed a rather splendid application for turning your swanky new Apple MacBook into a lightsaber.

MacBooks (the converged laptop range formerly known as iBooks and PowerBooks) are equipped with a sudden motion sensor that parks the hard drive and prevents data loss if the computer is dropped.

The MacSaber application lets MacBook owners given to waving their laptops around their heads create a variety of authentic lightsaber sounds and effects.

According to the blog: "It senses speed for the lightsaber movement sounds and acceleration for different levels of striking sounds."

Cynics might say that this man has too much time on his hands but that would constitute a steaming pile of bantha crap.

This man should clearly be given a government grant to develop other geek-related modifications and hacks for personal technology.

After all if he transforms the MacBook into a more elegant laptop for a more civilised age in his spare time, just imagine what he could achieve with some serious funding.

Waving your laptop manically around your head to generate lightsaber noises doesn't exactly constitute responsible use of computer equipment, though.

Given the sleek surface of MacBooks you can guess that a fair few MacSabers wielded by over-exuberant, wannabe Jedis will end up flying out of hands. It would probably invalidate the warranty and make for some rather embarrassing conversations with Apple support.

"So, tell me sir, how did your MacBook end up in this state?"
"Well, it's a funny story actually. I was working on an Excel spreadsheet when suddenly, I felt the presence of the Sith..."

And finally this week, hats off to Apple CEO Steve Jobs for winning a prestigious Rave award from Wired magazine.

Jobs has won the inaugural 'Steve Jobs' award. The Round-Up would imagine he had a considerable head start on the other possible candidates but polite applause nonetheless.

According to Wired, since it was a given that Jobs would pick up some sort of gong for services to technology or business in any year, it made sense to create a new category honouring him.

"Finally, faced with the prospect of handing out yet another well-deserved Rave Award to Steve Jobs, Wired's editors took the unprecedented step of creating a separate award in his honour," wrote the magazine.

The Apple CEO was the first winner of the Wired Rave Award to recognise "sustained excellence and creative genius".

What can we look forward to next year?

The 'Bill Gates award for services to the computer security industry' - or possibly the 'Larry Ellison award for services to neatly trimmed beards'?

You can no doubt do better, so send your suggestions to editorial@silicon.com.

The really pressing question is whether Jobs can hold on to his own gong in 2007.

Not winning an award created and named in honour of your own achievements would be enough to put a dent in anyone's ego. No matter how massive.

Until next week, the Round-Up is off to train for a 10k run by gasping hopelessly on a treadmill and plugging its iPod into its running shoes.

In the meantime, you're not going to believe what's been happening in the news this week. In fact, you'd better sit down:

• Hosepipe site makes web history

• Techies not sure their kids should follow them into IT

• Google: Business software 'bereft of soul'

• ID cards to be used for criminal record checks

• Speed trial aims to keep London's drivers legal